Social media in 2024 between the ads.
24 people we all know who post on social media.
1-Look at me selfie, just got out of bad relationship and thinks everyone else is narcissistic, spelled Narc because they can't get far enough for auto correct to figure it out.
2- I just discovered this amazing fact, anyone older and even most your own age or younger figured it out a decade ago.
3- Insert question to increase engagement here ??? Doesn't want answer just needs more likes and engagement like it is heroin.Not actual wannabe pollster, they're even worse.
4- It's a re-tweet, because they have no story of their own, it's another re-tweet about the same thing, only re-tweets and they're getting old, Just a re-tweet of an RHCP song on repeat.
5- Politician did something you disapprove of, everyone must know for the 50th time how stupid you think they are.
6- Celebrity did something, anything at all, got an award, gave a speech, wore clothes, ate food, you are now associated with the celebrity and everyone thinks you are cool because you liked their post and taco Tuesdays too.
7- Tells you, Your life sux because of XY&Z, Just lists off reasons their own life sux and who they think is to blame while assuming everyone is as poor, unstable and or angry at whatever they perceive to be the reason for their own failings in life.
8- Sex scandal, It is never Mrs Robinson down the road or Dave the lawn mower, always a famous person who hasn't been convicted yet, and brought to you by a fake acc who staunchly believes in their right to privacy, just not anyone elses.
9- Social outrage hypocrite, denounces school boys who privately rate girls at school, joins dating app and publicly posts and laughs at the options available as if it's those peoples fault the single person can't find true love.
10- The FML guy, although usually a woman, never has anything nice to post, everything always goes wrong for them and they wonder after a year or 2 why people tune out.
11- The I told you so wizards, They always knew something you didn't because you're incapable of predicting any outcome ahead of them, they are the most insightful oracles and futurists who definitely never hedged their bets both-ways in posts last year, they only posted the way it turned out.
12- The speculators aka the it's coming people, who can never quite be sure what it will be this time, because it's happened before and it will happen again even if it's the first time it ever happened they know it because that's how it is,was or will be.
Early stages of the I told you so witches.
13- The OMG i got blocked baiter, deliberately annoys, insults or threatens someone, we all know the deliberate trolling but then takes great delight in posting screen shots about being blocked just for calling some poor cry baby a sweary word as if they didn't deserve or want to be blocked. followed by.
14- The I blocked that person because they wanted to be blocked and just kept annoying me, even though i responded to every worm they threaded on a hook for me, now i am telling everyone to block them too.
15-This MSMedia group is the worst, Look what they posted, all they do is post BS all day, i can't believe anyone believes this shit, stay tuned while i continue to promote their posts in my feed and explain why they suck 10 X an hour.
16-The political genius, everything is political, and you don't understand, the whole country is full of dumb people who just don't understand simple things like preferential voting, but the genius knows that the party you're voting for will distribute YOUR preferences to the party they don't like. They're just so smart.
17-Can't grasp the concept of indifference, everything has a side, you have to choose black or white there can be no grey and you cannot possibly be so careless, the very notion that a wise man can accept the things they cannot change is blasphemous, you are soulless to these emotional vampires who must feed off trying to heighten your emotions into actions so you join their crusade.
18-Block and ban things people come across every spectrum of the human psyche, you never know what or how absurd it will be, ban this song, that book, this person, that idea, yes these peoples ideology can include the banning of ideas, but the one thing they can't seem to fathon apart from jokes is the notion of allowing a silly idea to fail on it's own.
19-Crypto clowns, where to start, never actually rich, happy or successful in any way.
But their pokemon cards will save you, You need NFT's to break free of the system, plus some Mario coins and maybe diversify your transaction and exchange fees with a basket full of farmville eggs. Talk about own nothing and how you can make 100 x more nothing.
20-The statistician who only has bad stats, both kinds, as in you should be scared of this horrific number and the number is probably bullshit. None of them ever tell you the percentage of happy people or kind folks, it's always the rate of decline suggesting the people pushing shit up hill every day don't rate in the count.
21-The toxic happy cheer poster, <---That was painful to type, But I read it so must you, apparently the people who constantly post cheer, joy and happiness are bad if they do it too much they become "toxic", because? I guess everything is toxic depending on the dosage but I have to side with these people, I wish I could be one, Dare I say I want to be a TOXIC CRUSADER, <---Look it up, awesome movie.
22- The algorithm guys, you know the ones, they either know how to game it or it is against them, if they know how to game it they are probably selling the key secrets from moms garage, and if not they think everyone else is cheating, either way do not (try to) play Monopoly with these people.
23- The Fake profile, probability says they have more than one fake, and common sense dictates they are not fans of following any established rules, this does not equal a bad person at all, but it goes a long way to evidence general naughtiness with a dash of fear of exposure. The reasons being many and varied one thing you can rely on is that a fake profile does not equal fake opinions, facts, experiences or expressions, conversely in fact often the fake is more likely to be real / honest, and banned, again.
24-Lastly The ADHD oh look a squirrel,funny meme, important political speech, guy crashes motorbike into lake, dog saves kid from crazy cat, I just saw a magpie steal some of the mince I left for the lizards<--(actually happened while typing this) Pizza for dinner, I stubbed my toe, sleeping pet, remember this classic 90's song, sunset, scary spider in the bathroom, selfie with a glass of wine, good night everybody.
*Authors note- The author is aware of the irony in that the only way he was able to compile this list was due to the,- it takes one to know one, rule.
**Edit note-- 13 and 14 have just been given new powers on X to stalk and harass people publicly without their knowledge or right of reply.
©Jayman. W. Newell 23/10/2024.
Comments
Post a Comment